Saturday, 28 March 2009

Tears

I was going to do a spinning update today, a post I should really have done last week. However things have gotten overtaken by some family matters.

Some of you may remember my mentioning a few weeks ago that Trev's mum was very ill with pancreatic cancer.

Well today, she passed away.

She went home last week but was taken back into hospital yesterday, having drastically worsened in the space of a week. It was told to us that she'd have less than a month left. The rest of Trev's family were going to be around today, so yesterday he made arrangements to go.

When he got there this morning, it became apparent that less than a week was most likely. Yesterday I booked Wednesday afternoon off to go and see her one last time. Turns out I wasn't quick enough.

The nurse came in to see everyone at about 3:45pm and told them she didn't have long left. She's been in a state recently where she doesn't know who she is, or where she is. She didn't recognise Trev this morning when he came to see her. She was also refusing all food and fluids - so they were just giving her pain medication.

A few minutes after they all entered the room, Trev put his hand on her forehead and the nurse said that his mum had taken her last breath.

I'm just glad he was able to be there when it happened. I feel sorry for his brother and SIL who had popped out to the shops shortly before the nurse came in - they weren't there when it happened. The worst estimate we had been given before that, at only 3pm, was tomorrow night, or maybe Monday, so for it to happen today was very sudden.

Trev is staying over there tonight, so I'm here on my own. I was over at my parents this afternoon, but it wasn't the most harmonious of atmospheres and I felt very uncomfortable. As much as I don't want to be on my own, I don't want to be there. I was sat there playing music as loud as I could through my headphones anyway to try and drown out my thoughts.

So it's just me and the Kookybear. I've been pretty useless today and spent most of the day crying. In fact I'm still crying. I think my iTunes is trying to conspire to deliberately play songs that it knows will make me cry.

It's ironic as I went to my parent's earlier today to scan some photos for Trev, of him and his mum from when he was younger.

I'm just shocked at how sudden it's all been. She only started to be sick a little over 2 months ago and now she's not here.

Here's a photo taken of her when they came up for the day in November:

Trev and his mum

And here they are in one of the photos I scanned for him earlier today:

scan0004

Goodbye Carole x

3 comments:

Zoe said...

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Its such a sad time. The pics are lovely. They look very close.

Love Zoe (beaniebanks on twitter)

thepiratehooker said...

Sad news indeed...

Jo said...

So sorry to hear the sad news, I've been quietly reading your blog now that you are in my Rav friends...I don't always feel the need to leave a comment....but just wanted to reach out and leave you a heartfelt virtual hug. beautiful photos.